BUTT CRACK BILLY

Hello my amazing Friends! Well here I am again, I have secretly been writing a hilarious story  with a soft touch about a seven year old named Butt Crack Billy. The title pretty much sums up the ma…

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BUTT CRACK BILLY

Hello my amazing Friends!

Well here I am again, I have secretly been writing a hilarious story  with a soft touch about a seven year old named Butt Crack Billy. The title pretty much sums up the main character. Below is the synopsis aka a run down of the story and the first two chapters. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have been writing it! Here it is!

A boy with a butt crack problem spliced with a personality mix up he can’t seem to get straight and a girl who loves to torment him. In BUTT CRACK BILLY seven year old Billy Boyd never knows which alter ego is coming or going. And he doesn’t seem to be as bothered about his buttcrack always hanging out as the rest of the world is. What’s the big deal anyways? Everyone has a buttcrack afterall.

A Birthday celebration had Billy knowing it was going to be one of those good days. Until Lily showed up that is, the girl forever branding him as Butt Crack Billy. The Volcano Boy’s and his butt crack struggle to keep tame when innocent people are on the line. If there was only a warning sign for this middle child with a peanut allergy. Wait there is, but he doesn’t know it. An itching sensation, a scratch and Billy is back? What? When a special treat enters the Periwinkle classroom with a hidden ingredient sending Billy into an instant attack. With his classmates and his teacher at his side everyone works together to help a friend in need.

Until Lily’s teasing antics hurl the Volcano Boy’s into a full eruption. A giant rumble silences the classroom and everyone turns to Farting Fredric, but it wasn’t him. Who could it have been? The thing is it wasn’t even Billy this time either… Billy and his alter egos finally align to do something they never thought they would do.

 

BUTT CRACK BILLY

by

Shelly Bond

 

 

CHAPTER 1

VOLCANO BOY vs. BILLY

 

The icy ball of snow whacked him square in the face.

“Butt Crack Billy, Butt Crack Billy!” Lily chanted as she skipped by. Billy pulled up his britches the best he could. Her voice echoed throughout the play yard. Suddenly something switched in Billy’s head he couldn’t help it. His felt hot and bubbly inside.

“Volcano Boy!” The not so good guy shrieked as he huffed his dragon breath in the freezing air. He ran full speed towards Lily smashing her pretty face into a pile of snow. Suddenly he was halted by a wicked itch that could only be soothed by reaching inside of his britches and scratching. He shook his head and Billy had returned. There he stood in wonder, Billy’s head was one confusing place.

He looked up and there stood Lily with a tear running down her cheek, she quickly wiped it up before anyone had a chance to notice. Anyone that was except for Billy. A cold draft made him shiver and he felt bad for her.

Billy Boyd was a boy with a real problem, he had himself and two alter egos. There was Volcano Boy and no way to tell if it was going to be the good guy or the not so good guy. The thing was Volcano Boy would come and go as he pleased for this Billy’s head was one mixed up place. His butt crack was always bothering someone and with his personality mix up he couldn’t seem to get straight. How was a boy to know what to do? And what was the big deal anyways? Everyone has a butt crack after all.

Most of the kids in Billy’s Kindergarten class were five some were even turning six. Billy was seven it was his second year in the Periwinkle classroom. The second time around was much better anyways. The best part was being the biggest kid in the classroom, that part was awesome for Billy. He rather enjoyed towering over everyone it made him feel like a happy giant. The worst part of being a second time Periwinkle was Lily, he was stuck with her and her need to always point out the obvious. Before Lily decided to disrupt Billy’s day, he knew it was going to be one of those good days. Not only was it snowing outside, it was also a girl in Billy’s class’s Birthday. A girl with strawberry blonde curls.  A girl who was so sweet she gave Billy a weird kind of stomach ache. Plus a Birthday in Billy’s Periwinkle classroom usually meant there was going to be some sort of sweet treat. And boy did Billy ever love sweet treats!

CHAPTER 2

STITCHES

 

Billy had a face like no one you ever meet. With dimples deeper than the grand canyon and dark brown freckles covering the bridge of his slightly crooked turned up nose. His front tooth and a chunk of his nose went missing at the age of five. When one afternoon Billy thought he could fly off of the second story partial wall in his kitchen. He stood high with his cape and goggles in tact. He looked back to his sister Violet.

“Ha…ha…Your butt crack is showing.” She poked fun at her little brother. Billy wiggled up his britches the best he could and he still bravely jumped. He actually flew for a couple of seconds. And then gravity kicked in and pummeled Billy down an entire flight of stairs. His front tooth flew higher than he did that day. And a giant blood bath soaked through his mother’s cream colored carpets.

His mother didn’t even yell at him that day and he wasn’t even in one ounce of trouble either. Because his nose was hanging off of his face that’s why. Nothing a long trip to the Emergency Room, piles and piles of gauze, and a million-gazillion stitches between Billy’s nose and upper lip couldn’t fix. Have you ever had stitches? They actually sew your face with a needle and thread, Billy thought it was awesomely painful. Plus Billy had a new awesome war wound that he could freak people out with and that was going to be fun.

What Billy didn’t know was before he fell his sister’s words changed something inside of his head. A flip switched, a light bulb turned on, a spark fused call it whatever you would like to. But he was different from that day on. Every time he heard teasing words Billy morphed into an alter ego Volcano Boy. Who could sometimes be a good guy and some times be a not so good guy. The bottom line was Volcano Boy wanted to protect innocent people from harm and mostly hurtful words. The strange thing was every time he had an itching sensation and scratched it, he was almost always morphed back into Billy. The stranger thing was he had no clue that’s what did the trick.

 

 

Butt Crack Billy Illustration.jpgButt Crack Billy Dummy Illustrations #2.jpg

Butt Crack Billy Illustrations.jpgButt Crack Billy Dummy Illustrations.jpg

Falling Down Bridal Veil Falls

FALLING DOWN FALLS AND FALLING IN LOVE

Hello Friends,

I wanted to share a life experience with you all. It happened when I was 23, almost ten years ago, it is a pretty amazing story and can’t believe it actually happened to me. Here it goes!

There my husband, Rex and I were with the cool splash of the mountain breeze at the base of Bridal Veil falls. With my new hiking boots we went off trail and began hiking up the face of the falls. Closer and closer our boots moved to the four tiered falls. I began moving faster and faster. As my feet were almost running an image of me sitting next to the falls framed and hung on my wall was all my mind could see. The same moment my new hiking boot stepped on that slippery, moss covered rock  I heard Rex’s voice. “Don’t step on that rock!” His words were moments too late.  I could hear his voice echoing through the mountain air.

I lost my footing, I was immediately sucked into the three tiered raging waterfall. I felt as if I were dreaming. My body somehow was flipped around with no chance for realization or pain. Facing the sky I was pushed off of the first tier, it felt as if I were on an amusement park ride.

There was no chance for fear, nothing to grab onto, nothing to stop me from flying again. It almost felt exhilarating, it was happening so quickly. I was leaping feet into the air again and again before I had any chance to react.

Again I was hurtled into the air. I gasped for a breath.

Moments later I was by some small miracle shoved to the side of the last drop of the falls. One more swift move and I would have been hurtled to my death down the 120 foot drop to the base of Bridal Veil falls. There I was off to the side, submerged in rapid icy waters covering my legs almost to my breasts. I began to come to and realize what had happened. I looked up, I scanned from side to side. Straight ahead of me was a ledge where the water was smooth and calm. I looked down to my legs they were a scratched up bloody mess, my shin had formed some scary looking knob.

I took a deep breath. To my right was a raging waterfall trying every bit to push me down.

Freezing and slightly in shock I began planning in my head. I was going to scooch with my hands and butt away from the rapid waters. I was going to the calm ledge where I could safely cross to the other side. When suddenly the familiar sounds of my husbands voice echoed in my ears. What was beneath that calm ledge was a 120 foot drop that would have surely pummeled me to my sudden death.

I was already moving my body forward. “Stay where you are.” Rex nervously yet firmly shouted. I began to shiver and trusted every word he said. He ripped off his backpack and carabiner, untied his sweater from his waist. Quickly and efficiently he made a long rope. He tied and tied. He did not let me out of his sight.

There he towered high above me and what seemed miles away. On the opposite side of the raging falls he stood strong and determined.

“Grab a hold of this!” He flung his home made rope at me, I could not reach it. He flung it harder and faster it finally reached to my hand. I grabbed it and scooched towards to raging fall within one arm’s length from me. The freezing waters pierced my quivering skin. The raging water was trying it hardest to get rid of me. I wouldn’t let it, I was not going to give up.  I finally made it close enough to the other side of the fall.

Rex tried pulling me up, but alas he couldn’t. I tried using my new boots again. I couldn’t. The moss covered, soaking wet rock was much to slippery to get any sort of grip. He tried at least three more times. The water was getting colder and colder and was pushing my body harder and harder. Our adrenalin was in full speed he used every muscle in his body to pull me up. We locked eyes, with his strength and my quivering legs.

He pulled and pulled, I slippery stomped my way up the giant rock. Finally my husband my Love, my hero freed me from the falls. I almost crumbled down the giant rock where we stood. He picked me up and held me.

We both hugged each other as it was our last. We began crying and hugging the words were a blur. I was grateful, scared. He saved me, he saved my life.

WOW! My life lesson on this story is no matter how expensive and shiny your new shoes are we are never invincible. There is a reason there are trails and off trailing is never a good idea. My husband is an amazing man I owe so much to him, thank you for being there with me that day. Mostly thank you for saving my life so we can have our sweet babies and I can live this amazing life of mine!

If you have any life changing stories or moments you would like to share please share. Until next time my Friends!