To My Fears And Doubts

To My Fears And Doubts

“You gain, strength, courage,

and confidence by every

experience in which you

really stop to look fear in

the face. You must do the

thing which you think you

cannot do.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear”

George Addair

Hello Friends,

Through my daily life changing journey and my ever so changing self, I find myself day upon day, minute upon minute doubting myself. My dreams are focused on becoming a loved, world-changing, Author and illustrator, I find myself questioning if I am good enough to be a writer, if my pictures are good enough? I have wanted to submit my work to a literary agent for the past year of my life, it has haunted my mind on a daily basis. With worries and doubts I can not write the letter that is my segway into getting published. What is good enough anyways? Good enough for who? When I draw, when I paint, and now with my new-found love for writing, well, I get this feeling of calmness, of peace, I feel happy I smile more when I am writing, I get butterflies in my tummy and my heart beats faster and faster. (As it is now) I feel I was born to do this, it just took me most of my life to find it. But now that it is here, I am never going to let it go. Am I scared? Yes… Am I worried about being rejected? Yes… Am I in fears of others judgment? Yes…But I will not that trump my dreams and my feelings. As for good enough, I would say blow it away, I am realising my mind and body of those fears and doubts, what could be life hindering. I will not allow them to be.

My dreams and my feelings are what I am in control of, I may have these fears, doubts, stressing worries but I will not be overtaken by them. Release, release, release! I free myself from you!I am focusing my brilliant mind on success, on happiness, on calmness. I am choosing to respond to my life and not to react to it. Yes it would be much easier to return to the old me, the lifeless, easy-going me, the go with the flow, and not a passion anywhere in sight. I refuse this path, the happiness I have found over the last five months is amazing.

As for good enough, I would say blow it away, I am realising my mind and body of that fear and doubt, that hindering notion. I am good enough, I am great enough, I am the best! : ) I finally did it I submitted my work to five literary agencies! It was nerve racking, I was sweating the entire time. But I did it! It can take up to eight weeks for a response, wish me luck and send your positive thoughts out there for me!

If you find yourself with an urge to do something you have never tried before, follow your instinct. You may find yourself closer to happiness, calmness and peace. You can do it you are GOOD enough, your are GREAT enough, you are the BEST! Until next time friends!

Fire Steal My Gaze

“I survived because the fire

inside me burned brighter

than the fire around me”

“Love is ever the

beginning of

knowledge as fire

is of light.”

Thomas Carlyle

Hello Friends,

Just another early morning with my lovely routine of hydration, meditation, soaking up my affirmations and visualization. Snuggled up on my favorite cozy chair, with a warm, comforting cup of coffee in my left hand with my other hand I reached for my read of the moment. Gretchen Rubin’s “the Happiness Project” a great read by the way, this book will help you gain a new perspective on happiness and understanding yourself better to help get closer to your perfect happiness. I found myself with one of my spiral drawing pads, which I had filled page upon page with journal entries, children’s stories and even poems.(ps I would never in a million years think I would have had a poem hiding inside of me.)

These entries are a significant part to my mind, body, and emotional change. Journaling has slowly helped me find who I am and gain perspective. I am finding where my place in this world is . (Other than being a strong and loving Mommy and Wife, I work hard for this everyday, some days better and some days worse, but I still work for it every day!) I release my mind onto my paper to help me gain perspective, focus, clarity, calmness, and peace within myself. Mostly getting things out of my busy mind has enabled me to know who I am better. It is so easy to get caught up in the busy life of being a Wife, a Mommy, a housekeeper, a grocery shopper, a life organizer, passionate for my work. Take all of this away, and who am I?

Journaling, has slowly helped me gain strength from within. My mind for years was dull, lifeless, and mindlessly set on autopilot. Journaling was something I had not intended on finding, she found me.(She being my beloved journaling friend.) During one of my life changing reads, Hal Elrod’s, “the Miracle Morning.” This book was brought to me at the perfect time in my life, I was open to change and positivity. If you are open to change in your life (we all need change in our lives.) This read will inspire a new you.

I want you to start with a blank journal and a lovely black inked pen. If you already have one YAY for you, you are that much closer to a better you! Everyday release  your emotions, your thoughts, your memories, anything that is on your mind. Let it out, let it flow from your mind to your fingertips to your paper. Do this every day, even if you are not a writer. You don’t have to be, this is not a contest, start with one sentence if you find yourself with writer’s block. This is just you and a blank sheet of paper. Think of  your journal  as your new-found friend, now tell her what is on your mind, release yourself. She is open to hear all and judge none. Now see how you feel after, you will surprise yourself.

This entry was approximately two months in to my big life changing emotional, self and soul-searching, mind and body change. The children were warmly tucked into their cozy beds, and my husband  had spent the previous twenty minutes preparing this amazing outdoor fire. The sun was down, and the amazing crackling sounds of the golden, amber, dancing fire in our amazing backyard sanctuary. Surrounded by the shadowed, dark hunter green, billowy trees. With an unknown poem hindering in my head, I had my lovely journal and favorite black ink pen. Escaping from my mind onto my paper.

May 29th 2015

Fire Steal My Gaze

Flicker, flicker, fire, light,

flicker, fire through the night.

Crickle, crackle,

smokey, billow,

ashy, mashy, mallow.

Transcending, gazing into your amber light

Billowy, pillow, fluffy and light,

smokey, charkey, marky,

fills the air.

Ash blows through the breeze,

as gently as can be.

Fire, fire, flaming light,

steals my gaze throughout the night.

Flicker, flicker, fire, light,

free and weightless.

I float upon your ambery abiss.

These deep journaling moments, have day by day, slowly made me realize who I am as a person. The small moments we do not pay attention to can end up being the most important moments. These self revelations, emotional, mental breakthroughs. Be awake to your life make sure your eyes are open, your ears are listening, your body is feeling, your lungs are breathing, your heart is beating. Awareness is everything, until next time my sweet friends!

Keep On Pushing Through!

Keep On Pushing Through!

“Summer. Hair gets lighter.

Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer.

Drinks get colder. Music gets louder.

Nights get longer. Life gets better.”

“A life without

love is like a year

without summer.”

Hello friends,

I am writing from my beautiful back yard in my lovely, peaceful, morning hour. Surrounded by my own personal green leafy forest, I forgot how alive and beautiful summer makes the world. I am so grateful for my own summer sanctuary, thank you mother nature and to this beautiful world. Today I wanted to share a morning in my shoes. In hopes to inspire to push on through, even when we mentally or even physically don’t think that we are capable. Each one of us are all capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for. We all need to know our own self-worth and not only know but think this way.

Yesterday I took myself and three children for an early morning walk. These three full of life, crazy birds needed to burn off some energy. We decided to make it a jammie day. I usually feel the need to get dressed to venture out of the house, but that day I felt completely fine with just keeping on last nights clothes. Some days it is ok to do this people, not every day but some days we just need a break. James my three-year old was getting on his hiking shoes on and scuba goggles with a mouthpiece. Just in case he needed to do some deep-sea diving of course.: )

We all four made it to the garage. I slipped on my run shoes, Violet my five-year old daughter, in her favorite Chaco sandals. James clicked on his helmet jumped onto his bike while I buckled the baby into my favorite convertible stroller. With my stroller and son on his bicycle, daughter by foot at my side. The four of us were off to start our morning adventure.

P.s. a run down of my most amazing stroller. It converts to a jogger and a pull behind bike trailer. This more of a trail jogging stroller has two full bike sized wheels in the back with no front wheel. So imagine, you must use strength to push down while moving forward at the same time. It is a durable, strong stroller with a sunny yellow shade. Equipped with a sun and net protector, so you are prepared for any weather to come. The children get a fun ride and Mommy gets an amazing full body workout, it’s a win, win for us all. What a friend to a moving Mommy.

We venture out of our drive way and make it out to our neighborhood sidewalk, the roads and streets wet and full of puddles from a late night summer rain storm. We moved towards our neighborhood nature trail, you enter this peaceful gravel filled, grass land engulfed tree filled path. It is open, calm, safe for the children to walk with no worries of cars or strangers. James was a little reluctant being on his bicycle with training wheels attached, being a man-made gravel filled trail, I tell him awesome guys called mountain bikers ride their bikes on trails with rocks bumper than this. He thought that was super cool, and motivated him to keep peddling on. Plus there were giant puddles of water from the rain storm the night before so he could splash along the way. The bumpy gravel trail made this walk a little harder, my son had to work much more that if we were to have stayed on the perfectly smoothly paved sidewalk. He splashed across a giant muddy puddle thinking it was the best, a good motivator for him to keep peddling his little feet.

The sun started to heat up pretty good at this point. Violet decided to hop into the stroller with the ever so content  baby Hugo, just enjoying his bumpy ride. The first path was pretty easy to make it through with my son on his bike. This being the first time we ventured on our beloved trail with his bicycle. I was feeling ambitious and so was my boy, so I thought what the heck! We make it past the first mostly level trail, came to the break in the trail where you have to cross the street. We safely make it across, finding our way back on the trail. This spot opens up to a wide, downward, wooden, stairs. Not super steep, but stairs and wheels are always a little rough. We bumped our way down and cruised by the beautiful, bird chirping, tree filled, slightly inclining, curved trail.

We made it to our big fork in the road, literally. We came to our amazing squiggly, rough textured, giant tall, incredibly leafy tree friend. This tree is so tall, you feel like a tiny ant standing beneath its crooked squiggly branches. There is something about this tree. He(he being the tree) always  makes me feel so good yet slightly constricted with its rough textured thick bark, and random dead crooked and ever so squiggly branches. Plus this is the half way point, it also means we have made it this far. That we are keeping on!

Here is where it gets rough, we turned the bend past our giant tree friend. The trail starts to narrow here, so narrow it is almost intended for only a single bicycle wheel. We made it to our tree, so I was determined to keep going. Tall, wet grass, a double wheeled stroller and a young boy on a bicycle with training wheels on a single wheeled trail? What would you suppose the outcome of this? I was motivated, we made it all the way up to this point. We were to continue on. The tall wet grass to my shins I had to push down and move forward with every muscle in my body. The water from the grass kept splashing Violet and Hugo, but they thought it was great. They were giggling and damp inside their lovely stroller setup.

Soaking wet run shoes, a little short of breath behind me my new-found little mountain biker, kept falling down. He was awesome he did not give up. I improvised with one of my favorite baby blankets, an organic cotton white thin summer blanket. I tied one end to my handle, I double and then triple knotted and connected the other end to the middle of my sons handlebar. He thought this was so great, I told him I was towing him like a truck so he could make it through.

Imagine the friction from the already wet grassy surrounded front wheel-less stroller, that I have to pull down and push forward. With a newly attached weight to my left side, I trudged through the grass my feet soaking wet. Everyone was enjoying this trip and I was breathing heavily and sweating profusely by this point. We kept on at this rate for quite a while. Something that by foot that would have taken us five minutes was now like eight to ten. It was an amazing mind and body workout. We made it back on the smooth paved trail that curved around and safely brought us home.

So when you are trying something new that you have never done before, even if you have done it dozen times before and new challenge arise’s. If it seems more difficult than you can wrap your mind or body around, keep on pushing through one step at a time. Slow down you mind your feet will keep moving you through. Each one of us is capable of so much more. Try new things, keep an open mind, even if you get stuck at a fork in the road. Your brilliant mind and amazingly strong body will help you through. Until next time friends!